Friday 25 November 2011

Be the Wind-Paint: Reflections on Year-ends

Flowing from one box to another
Life pigeon-holed into tight boxes
Neatly labelled day, month and year
Defining mornings and noontimes
And telling you when to go to bed

As I flow out from one year-box into another
You tell me, it’s an occasion for celebration
Look back at the number of boxes you have filled, you say
With memories both great and small
Look how you have crossed much harm’s way
And painted life red, purple and blue

And yet all I feel is old

A new box has many adventures, you say
New paths, new space, new time
Life in your hands
And the sky your limit, you exclaim

But you forget, it’s into another box I flow
It’s not just me filling the box
It’s the box filling me out
The box squeezes me in, its walls cramping
Rubs the colour off me onto herself
She defines what I do and even how I look
When tired of me, she pushes me out
And December comes a ringing

Yea, you go celebrate
Sure do ring those nice bells and don’t forget your prayers
You should be happy that you have filled this box
And ready to climb into another
Beginnings and ends are sure reasons for celebration
So you go ahead and put on that dress

But I am going to wait a bit longer
Have a drink on you
And wonder how I can get rid
Of this damn box staring at you
Burn its walls down
Blaze them all out
Push it forward
Create a domino effect
Destroy all boxes with one big push
Then none to fill
Into none to flow

And then think about how I can be the wind
That can just be
Always flowing 
And yet needless to flow
And when I do flow, no one needs know
No box to constrain, no walls to cramp
The sky the canvas and me the wind-paint

Wednesday 16 November 2011

Derek, the Cooker and Superstition

Derek, my landlady’s son-in-law, is called upon each time the flat is faced with some problem. This time it was the replacement of the Cooker. One of the hobs would continue to burn, even when turned off. This problem was graciously rectified by our generous landlady, by replacing it with a brand new Cooker, and Derek had been called again to install it. He is a genuinely lovely man, who took pride in his workmanship and meticulous execution of jobs. He was very knowledgeable about structure of buildings, water supply systems, electrical appliances and just about everything that goes into the making of a house, which we are all dependent on and yet take for granted without giving it much thought. He was a builder by profession.

Today, even as he was installing the Cooker, I was standing next to him, offering a hand whenever required and shooting questions at him at periodic intervals. He was explaining the difference between electric and gas Cookers and the advantages of the old wood burning range Cookers when he suddenly noticed a wire slightly protruding out and asked me to pull the Cooker to one side. He had connected the wires and turned all the hobs on. Even as I replied, ‘sure, will do’, I was leaning over him, to put off the main Cooker switch. Derek turned to me with incredulity in his eyes, ‘you don’t have to turn it off’, he exclaimed. ‘But if I am going to move the Cooker, won’t it be safer to first turn it off?’ I questioned back. He looked at me bewildered, and asked bluntly, ‘are you superstitious?’ ‘These things go through rigorous safety checks and they are completely safe’, he explained and I, ‘non-superstitious’ that I was, reluctantly pulled the Cooker to one side leaving the switch on. Job done, pleasantries exchanged, Derek was on his way out. But his question ‘are you superstitious?’ stayed with me, even as he left. What action or disposition of mine was superstitious? What does he mean by the word ‘superstitious’? And am I really superstitious?

Derek’s question got me thinking...

Tuesday 8 November 2011

She's got the Moves

Behold, watch her stride
In time, through time, beyond time
Spiralling forward in her dance
Perfect coordination
Intricate chaos

Who can traverse her love?
Or know the depths of her rage?
Knower, always part of the known
Observer, in rhythm with her pace
Sometimes the sense of her presence
Her silent roar engulfing
A fearful glance over the shoulder
Images of fire, blood, and water
Mixed carelessly
Looking beyond seeing immediacies
All there is, is her smile
Her loving arms draped in embrace

As a star-ship
Embracing all of space
She moves majestic
And the universe hurtles

Sunday 6 November 2011

Blood on my Hands

I have killed them
Their blood surely
On my hands
Murder it was, definitely
Watching them die helplessly
Tried my best to save them
I did all I could
Stood bewildered watching
Hearing death’s deadly tune
I paced the floor up and down
Changed waters by the dozen
Care and medicines
None withholding
But nothing I did
Could save them

Three mates were they
An incredible trio I must say
When morning broke light
There remained but two
There was panic in their world
As they circled the slain
Coping with their pain
Sadness unfeigned
Watching them experience
The loss of breathe
I experienced death
As I helped with the funeral
Nagging thoughts unfolded
Cold hearted murderer
Was I not responsible?
Was I not the killer?
Was it not my water they drank?
Swum in my tank
My food eaten and air taken
Was I not responsible?
Was I not the killer?

I watched them looking at me
Their gait greatly reduced
Lethargic, unusually quite
No appetite, unseduced by food
Didn’t take that as a sign
As winter fast approached
With playfulness all but gone
I thought t’was the cold
What else could be but the chilliness?
It shrivels all to the bones
But those tiny powerful eyes
They kept staring
Recollecting good times
Memories reminiscing
Maybe pleading
To be set free
Maybe foreseeing
Changes in their destiny

The noon-day sun
Burned dim
The clouds cast their spell
She had suddenly gone still
I rose with panic under my belt
Knocked on the glass panes
Shook with might to inject life
Circling around their home
Sensing loss in the fight
What should I do?
How should I be?
The breathe all but gone
Final moments prolonging the pain
Helpless about helplessness
Every breathe now tedious
Nothing I could do would help
I turned my face
And she was gone
Ha, ha mocked Macbeth
You too now have blood on your hands

Only the big man remained
Golden glistening skin
Majestic in stride
He is powerful, he is a fighter
He will surely survive
Overcome cruel fate
The sun disappeared
A shroud of darkness
Blanketed space
Humans light a million suns
Pushing darkness backwards
The big one had suddenly gone cold
But I could do nothing onwards
With a heavy heart
I watched till I could watch no more
Eyes closing, I went to sleep
I woke up as the sun rose strong
Rested through the night
Drove darkness at dawn
I turned to see
Behold he too was gone

I paused as I gazed through
The window panes
One last time
Was I responsible?
Was I their killer?
Three beautiful creatures
Gone now, all dead

Thursday 3 November 2011

The Elusive You

Wake up every morning, looking for you
Searching for your face, in the faces I glimpse
In the bus stop, in the garden path
City centre or some far corner
Every party I go to, every club to dine
In all the forms and colours, and the people I find
Looking for you, searching for you
There I find you, and then I don’t
You seem to be there and yet I miss you
All around me I see your face
Yet I fail to see you for all that I see
O elusive you, the elusive you.
Saguna Nirgun, Nirguna Sagun
Nirguna Sagun, Saguna Nirgun